


The life of me, a humble squid

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I just imagined some 2 year old reading this, I know one of you were looking for x-rated tentacles, My brain is so messed up, No ships with the squid, Oh My God, Tags are crazy man, Why Did I Write This?, no porn here it's rated family friendly peeps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:24:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life of the famous, not-nearly-mentioned-enough, giant squid of Hogwarts. From birth, to death, an insight into how annoying it must be having stupid little wooden vessels float across your home every. Goddamn. Year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The life of me, a humble squid

**Author's Note:**

> So, in a spur of the moment thought, I decided the giant squid will be if not magical, certainly influenced by magic. C'mon, being surrounded by magic for thousands of years could make a brick self-aware! This is from the squids' point of view, and a oneshot. You do kind of need some background knowledge of the characters to understand what's going on at points, but it's okay if you don't. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, it is unlikely I would be here, writing about how a magic castle can make bricks self-aware. Also, this is unbeta'd.

* * *

The life of me, a humble squid

~O~

 

Being trapped in an egg for months on end is dreadfully boring, I assure you. Rather an odd way to begin my life story I suppose, but true nonetheless. Before I had hatched I wasn't very aware of my surroundings, any brief period of lucidity were simple sensations as my eyes were still developing, not that they ever were very good... One of the few reasons I wish I had been human is so I could have gotten one of the odd glass and wire contraptions that seem to help with poor vision. But anyway, I was not born in the Black lake. As a young squid, not even a month old I knew I could not stay with my siblings. Most were much bigger than I, and they were eyeing me up in a rather... _hungry_ kind of fashion. Savages, the lot of them. Fancy eating me, I'm a near celebrity! Ahem, moving on, upon realisation my birth-lake would not be big enough for my family, I plotted my escape... As well as anyone with no knowledge of the outside world can do, anyway.

Though my memories of that time are few and rather hazy, I know there were various other animals around, and I had noticed how many seemed to be able to leave at will! While I had gone to the surface, I knew predators could attack me there, the dark depths of the lake were much safer. But these creatures didn't seem to care! So, gathering the small amount of courage and non-existent wisdom I had, I propelled myself out of the lake and * _THOMP_ * landed out of the water. I immediately panicked as I felt the unpleasant sensation of my skin drying and an inability to breathe. I wouldn't of lasted long like that, I know. But, perhaps the luckiest thing that has ever happened to a humble squid, one of the lake-leaving creatures saw me. It immediately waved a stick at me and - _oh, i would never take water for granted again_ \- I assure you, dear readers, I did not make a sound of happiness. I don't have any recollection of my journey there, but I woke up in what I now know is the Black Lake.

.

Once a year, every year since I had come to live there, small wooden vessels with little flickering lights would float across the lake. They were so beautiful, I wanted nothing more than to destroy them. They're a menace! The grindylows would all wake up and annoy me, the merpeople would all come up and add to the vibrations, A humble squid needs beauty sleep, people! But, I wouldn't ever harm them. Every few years, one of the little creatures that rescued me falls out of their vessel. I've gone right up before to see what they look like, that was the first time one fell out. I've never been so offended in my life! My mother always said I was a wonderfully good-looking squid. But I'm not heartless, the poor things aren't very good swimmers, and I would hate to see them drown. More often than not they don't seem to appreciate my help, but what can a humble squid do?

Often when the weather is warm the little creatures (the merpeople informed me they were called humans, but I'm rather used to calling them creatures now) will come out to the lake. To swim, study the plants and watch the little fishies. And of course to play with me. I'm a good sport of course, catching the sticks and throwing them back and the likes. It doesn't hurt that they throw me fish either. No, I have  _never_ eaten a human, dead or alive. They don't look very appetizing, the hair would probably get stuck in my throat, and I will not do something as undignified as cough up a hairball! The four humans that rescued me are very old, they all came out to play with me, they seemed rather sad...

_R.I.P. Red-Haired noisy human, the human-that-smelt-like-snake, the human that died of heartbreak and the human that smelt like *ahem* fertilizer. I probably should have learnt their names._

.

A student fell in the lake, nothing new. But this human, upon closer inspection reminded me of one of my original rescuers. It had been many, many seasons since they had been alive, and this wasn't the first time I had been reminded of them (I'm a rather sentimental squid.) The little creature had the red hair and blue eyes of one of the first. I had just gone to give it a boost with my tentacle (the levels of my helpfulness are astounding) but it got pulled up by one of its fellows. I hoped I would see it again.But again with the annual tradition, I found out that the humans keep other animals. According to a rather intelligent toad (apparently her name was Lucinda, I never did get a name) they look after them, feed them and enjoy holding them. Rather odd if you ask me, but to each their own. Toads are very sneaky (I asked, but they seemed offended when I asked what their relation to snakes were,) they often end up coming for a swim before getting caught on annual annoy-squid day.

.

The merpeople are terribly mean sometimes. I'm a rather sensitive squid, and they enjoy rubbing it in my face that they can see into the Slytherin common room and I can't. The windows are right above the mer-village, and built into a cluster of rocks that are too tightly packed for me to fit. One of the nasty over-grown shrimp told me, _me_ , I need to lose weight! The audacity! But, they are useful for keeping up with my humans. The human in charge of the school (apparently humans go to learn things they otherwise couldn't. Of course, I'm far too intelligent to need to do something like that.) Is the same one I thought looked like one of my rescuers! (the merpeople don't know their names. Apparently they're referred to as the founders.) On another note, a creature that smells like human and mega-human - or, giant, as is _apparently_ the proper term. Hmm- has built a little hut right across from me! He often comes to play. He went away for a while and came back very sad, but I try to cheer him up.

There have been many battles around my lake. The humans are rather vicious, and tend to fall out with each other a lot. I can feel the sense of impending battle before hand every time, I wish I could help, but I am just a humble squid (though I do of course tell the merpeople, to do with the information what they will.) Sometimes the water of my lake is stained the colour of human life and tastes of the bronze metal of weaponry. Other times, the cheers of victory send their vibrations right to the depths of the lake bed, startling the bed-dwellers. Though a battle has just been won, impending war is already in the air again... _I grow tired._

_._

Through my life, humans have often come to see me. To play, or to talk. I don't understand what they say, but if it helps them, I will pretend to listen. A human with long, red hair and another with shorter black hair used to come and sit near me every day, they played with me lots! But they don't ever come together now, they seem so sad... Now the red-haired one tends to come with the menaces, a group of four other humans. They tried to spell me pink! _Pink_! Not that there's anything wrong with the colour, it would have just made me a laughing stock to the merpeople, I bet my lucky tentacle on it. The red-haired one seems very happy, but it's previous friend still comes alone... it seems angry. _Humans can be cruel when they're angry._

Some of the humans I come across nowadays smell awful. Not like sweat, burnt rubber or too much perfume, but like _dark_. Not the dark of a warm summer night or the lake, but an oil slick stuck to the magic on their arm. They all taste like one of three things- regret, anger or insanity. The red-haired human has moved on, but the black-haired one that feels like _dark_ and tastes like _regret_ still comes, and sits in the shadows. War is upon them, _and I'm so, so tired._

.

 

I don't have a clue what's going on. Three humans were dumped in the mer-village? It could be a new tradition I suppose, seems rather dangerous though. I've heard humans can be rather susceptible to insults, and we've already established the mer-people can be _vicious,_ especially with insults and gossip (that rumour about poor Lucinda lasted for months.) But anyway, being such a persuasive squid, I got a merman to tell me what was going on. Apparently the human leader (it's hair's white now, a pity really. I'm still a glowing gold colour, simply charming) asked them to hold them hostage so other humans can rescue them. How ridiculous, it's going to be hard keeping the grindylows in check, they are complete nuisances when it comes to visitors. 

I watched the three little humans progress from a distance. Ah, only one human stayed human. The other two somehow changed themselves, one becoming half shark and the other acquiring gills and fins. That one has _dark_ on it, worse than the dark-arms of some previous humans. The one that stayed human, with such a large amount of light-gold hair that must get annoying, was rather unfortunately ambushed by the grindylows. She escaped relatively unharmed, but her mini-me was still at the bottom. I hope it gets out okay. _Abandonment is felt by everyone at one point, even just for a single second when taken to isolation after leaving the mother._

_._

Another war won, the wooden vessels still coming every year without fail. I felt an all-encompassing sense of peace, I felt ready to pass on from life. Maybe next time round I'll be a toad. The merpeople sang for me... my hearing is not what it used to be, but it is still beautiful. Just like my long ago near death experience, I use all my strength and * **BOOM** * the earth shakes in shock and birds fly from the treetops in a panic. For the last time, I close my eyes, the spirit of my magic guarding my home until the earth changes and the lake no longer exists.

_~Fin_

 

_-If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. - Lao Tzu_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, thanks for sticking it through! I hope you enjoyed this, I haven't written in a while and not on AO3 before. Anyway, if you notice any mistakes, have any questions, constructive criticism or just want to give a poor writer some feedback, please rate/review! Knowing my stories are well received always makes me smile.
> 
> Also, in case anyone didn't get it, the giant squid is not very humble. The squid also lived for so long for 2 main reasons, 1) I'm gonna say it has very fast cell regeneration, similar to the turritopsis nutricula, a jellyfish with virtual immortality. 2) I'm assuming that magic would influence it's life span, wizards and witches seem to have longer life spans? Also, I am aware that in canon you can't actually see into the black lake from the snake common room, but shhh no-one knows.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


End file.
